Issue No. 4

Listen To ® Watch ® Make The Right Choices ® Drink
Contemplate ® Find ® Withy's Wise Words ® Our Stuff

Hello and welcome to Your Orders This Week - our instruction manual for your life. Most weeks we'll be issuing orders, which you're under every obligation to follow. Peace and love. Sam

I'm feeling old school this week, so I suggest going for 2. Having just watched Forrest Gump for the first time in ages, Running on Empty by Jackson Browne is just amazing, and don't tell me when you hear Fortunate Son by Creedence’ it doesn't make you think of going over Vietnam in a helicopter with Bubba.

Batman. Obviously. People who don't like it should make an orderly queue into Hades.

The Waiting Room

When choosing karaoke songs. It's an important decision; don't just brush over it lightly. Sing the wrong song and you could be the next Halifax advert. Men should really look at epic female performances. Celine Dion has some fine selections, Think Twice being my personal choice, or Power of Love, simply to sing 'because I'm your Lady' in public. Women should avoid Aretha Franklin or anything that could be construed as 'girl-power'. Stick to Culture Club. Or Culture Beat if you're feeling particularly 1993.

Dion in her latest video

Vodka and Fanta Lemon and reminisce about holidays in Spain. Unless you've never been to Spain, then this memory would mean nothing to you. You may reminisce anything you see fit.

Spanish Holidays

Is a beaver still called a beaver if it has no hair. What is it if not? *

Better and better ways to annoy people. Sitting at the front of your house with a hairdryer and pointing it at cars when they go past always gets the speeding drivers. Or just finish everything that someone says to you with 'that's what you think'. Pretty fucking annoying. Feel free to send us your comments and / or suggestions on this matter.

Westwood. Annoying.

There shall be a new regular section to this blog inspired by a certain individual we know. Mr. Jack Withy is a resident of our parts, who through the good grace of the Lord has been inspired to become a dictionary of bizarre lingo. Whether unearthing old phrases at inappropriate times, or simply making stuff up, Mr. Withy has been entertaining us over the years by talking in code that takes a few moments to decipher. Deciphered I have, and I shall continue to do, to bring you......

Week 1 is backdated, seeing as there are too many words and phrases not known to the wide world that are already in circulation in Jack's head.

Balloon Knot - Bum-hole, Anus.

Wooden Undies - A long time ago, e.g. "I haven't seen you in wooden undies".

Hose - Large Penis.

Turkey Milkshakes - Medical procedure of feeding when unable to use teeth. "Don't kick the ball at the 8 year old who's playing in goal too hard." "Fuck that, he's going to be eating turkey milkshakes tomorrow".

Skinge - A skinny, ginger, school teacher.

Damn it we're busy. We've got half our album recorded and we're off to the studio in a few days to record the rest. We're all dying to get there but working our backsides off in the meantime. Tune in to MySpace, Facebook etc. next week and we'll put up some pictures and blogs.

* Best answer so far was "My Birthday"